Farm News 04-02-06

Sunday morning, after chores, 62°
0.4” rain last night

Ting Lays

I discovered a nest hidden in a corner in the barn. In it were eight duck eggs and four small white chicken eggs; Ting had been there! Those four eggs bring her total production for the year up to seven eggs. I also found the nest of one of the bantam hens, it contained 16 eggs.

Ting and the bantams, all of whom live in the barn, have access to all the high protein chicken feed they desire. The bantam hens will continue to lay an egg a day for months, except when they are busy raising babies. Ting is probably about finished laying for the year and she has no interest whatsoever in becoming a mother.

Ting likes to complain, attack humans, and talk about her life on stage. She and Ling, her sister, called themselves The Somerset Twins and dreamed up a career as entertainers. They were total phonies, of course, and never entertained anybody. Their 'singing' was terrible and they danced like they learned from cows. Generally, they had less talent than Paris Hilton and were flat chested to boot.

Ling decided to become a mother one year. She created two nests, laid some eggs in each, and then would sit on one nest for a while, then the other. This strategy failed to produce any chicks. Ling disappeared shortly after she gave up trying to be a mother and Ting went into mourning for a few hours.

Since Ling's disappearance Ting has been spending her days working on her memoirs (all lies), pecking ankles (mostly mine), and complaining. She complains about the food, the water, the other animals, the weather, the barn, and the grass in the yard. I have a telephone in the barn on which Ting daily tries to make long distance phone calls to 'darling Annick in Paris' or 'dear Malia in Honolulu.' I foiled these attempts to run up my phone bill by installing an old fashioned rotary dial phone that she can't operate.

Ting is a Polish Crested hen, a breed not known for long lives, but she seems to be one of those rare ones that lives almost forever. Phyllis, her great-grandmother, lived fourteen years, so I may be stuck with Ting for a long time.

Does anyone want a chicken?

Spring Garden Activity Starts

Paula planted potatoes this week. She hopes to plant beets, carrots, lettuce, and peas soon, too. We'll spread floating row cover, an extra light weight fabric, over everything we plant this early. The row cover helps protect from frosts and rabbits. A cottontail can eat a row of newly germinated peas in one night.

The garlic is looking lively, the rhubarb is showing green, and it's time to clear the asparagus beds. Paula set out onion plants this week. She prefers plants to bulblets for some reason I don't understand, but she does the work so there is no sense in arguing with her about it.

The peaches are blooming pink accents. The plums and cherries seem to be finished. There are still daffodils coming along. The daffodils on the south side of the house have finished blooming, but the ones that are in shady places are just coming out of the ground. One patch of hyacinths is finishing and another is about to show some color.

On Friday I noticed a fennel seedling, this is the ornamental fennel commonly called Bronze Fennel. I like it because it feeds the caterpillars of the Anise Swallowtail butterfly. If you have Bronze Fennel in the mid-west, you will probably have lots of Anise Swallowtail butterflies. The caterpillars are as neat as the butterflies, especially for kids. The caterpillars have great protective markings and appendages. Look them up, Papilion zelaicaon; the local butterflies have orange instead of white.

Fur Mites

Doctor's offices are dangerous places. The little bunnies picked up an infestation of fur mites, nasty little arachnids that cause the bunnies to lose the hair on their faces. The treatment is to sprinkle them with flea powder for cats every ten days for a while. They had their first treatment Friday.

Four Things

My youngest daughter writes a blog, also. Last week she wrote “Four Things,” a bunch of lists of her four favorite cities, vacation spots, restaurants, etc. Don't believe what she writes. For instance, under 'Four cities where I have lived', she includes Oskaloosa. She has never lived there, she was born in a cow pasture and lived in the country until she went away to college. She lived near Oskaloosa, but not in the town. Anyway, the idea looked to me like a perfect opportunity for ranting about something, so I decided to try it.

Four Restaurants I Like:

The above list is empty because I don't like restaurants. For breakfast I like oatmeal and for the rest of the day beans and rice will do. Food tastes best when cooked over a campfire and eaten outside.

Four Favorite Cities to Live In:

The above list is empty because I don't like living in a city. I lived in several cities for a while about 40 years ago and didn't like it at all.

Four Favorite Vacation Spots:

The above list is empty because I don't like going on vacations. Who's going to take care of the place while I'm gone, Ting? Why should I go someplace else when I have everything I need right here?

Four movies I could watch over and over:

The above list is empty because I don't care much for movies. I can clearly hear the actors talking but can seldom understand what they are saying. It's probably old age softening my brain.

Four Favorite TV Programs:

I'd rather read.

Four Jobs I Have Had:

Who wants to talk about work?

Four Favorite Dentists:

I have only one favorite dentist, and I hardly feel 'favorite' about him, especially when I receive a bill from him. I won't name him because his wife, who is also a dentist, might might misconstrue my favoritism to mean that I think he is a more competent professional than she.

Maybe I can think of some things to be positive about in the next week. I promise to try.

Cindy

A young woman I know, named Cindy, often said to me, “Boys don't kiss girls that drool.” Cindy drooled a lot. Cindy and her sister, Dotty, were coming home from school, Dotty driving. Through a series of rapidly occurring mishaps they hit a bridge abutment; Dotty was bruised up some and Cindy (whose seat belt wasn't fastened) went through the windshield and hit her head against the bridge. She was 15 at that time.

Her face was scarred up some but she didn't lose any arms or legs. Her brain, though, was a mess. After the accident she had enough control in one hand to operate an electric wheel chair, so she could get around fairly well. The right side of her face was paralyzed and drooped like the face of a person who had had a stroke. Her speech was slurred and slow but if you listened you could generally figure out what she was saying.

Cindy said, “I can handle wearing a diaper for the rest of my life, but I hate being retarded, now.” She wasn't retarded, really. Most of her brain worked fine; it was the parts that connected what she was thinking to her body, including her speech; they didn't connect correctly. She couldn't put on makeup, pull up her panties, or drive to the drugstore, but she sure could want to do those things.

There is no nice ending to this story. Cindy graduated from high school and moved into a nursing home with a lot of senior citizens. She still lives there. She's a nice woman, but you might not understand what she says.

This article might be out of character for Farm News but it is a story I have wanted to tell. It's true, except for the name. And the point is, Cindy wasn't wearing her seat belt. She didn't die but many of us would think that she has a 'fate worse than death'. Now, she has no choice; she is unable to kill herself and is in an institution that has a legal responsibility to protect her. Thus, to young people, I say, “Wear a seat belt: it saves many from death, and it saves many, many more from a 'fate worse than death'.”

Is the preceding punctuation correct? Looks intelligible to me, which should be enough.